Running the state for the benefit of Anglo-shareholders, sounds familiar...

Anglo Irish Bank (plc) today officially launched a new Corporate Social Responsibility unit, known as ‘The Irish State’. The foundation will have a wide-ranging remit, including the areas of health service provision, education and welfare payments to the deserving poor. It is understood that the charitable organisation will have a considerable fraction of the bank’s net income as its budget.

‘Irish State’ will heavily focus on the Irish language, and the executive officer of the board of the foundation will be known as ‘Taoiseach’. Brian Cowen, a low level Anglo employee and Irish language enthusiast, has been appointed as the first ‘Taoiseach’ of the disgraced bank’s social responsibility unit. Mr. Cowen was unavailable for comment, but is understood to be keen to spearhead Anglo’s latest innovation.

CEO Mike Aynsley hopes that this will improve his company’s tarnished image – ‘We want to win over hearts and minds, and I think the launch of the “Irish State” foundation will convince the public that we are a caring company that understands the needs of the community it works in.’

Critics say that the foundation is effectively a smokescreen to distract attention from the many scandals in the bank’s recent history. One commentator has claimed that ‘ ”The Irish State” is just a fig leaf – Mr. Cowen is just a figurehead who will exercise no real power over the direction of the company’. Vice-president of the foundation, Mary Coughlan had the following to say in response: ‘Youse f****ers should be grateful for anything youse get!’

Bailout? This isn't a bailout...The banks don't need bailing out..

                What the hell does Lenihan think he’s doing? First of all, he says going to buy toxic assets off banks at under book price. Fair enough, a bad bank model, if a spectacularly bad one (he reserved the right to nationalise banks if the assets didn’t perform as well as he expected – way to boost investor confidence...) But now it seems the government is not only going to buy bad assets, but good ones as well. I didn’t think it was possible, but Lenihan has proven himself even more skilled at taking the worst of both worlds.

                The problem with a bad bank scheme is that the government is not necessarily the best judge of value, especially in a volatile bear market like we’re in – they may end up paying too much for loans they can never offload. The advantage is it doesn’t cost as much as nationalising the banks. But now he’s decided that buying up perfectly functioning assets is the way to go, creating a sort of “fairly ok bank”, costing the taxpayer god knows how many extra billions of dollars. And how is this money funded? Borrowing. In other words, this government is borrowing money to put into property...

                In this case, nationalising the banks could be by far the safest and cheapest option. The top three banks could be bought for a song - €3bn or thereabouts. That includes all their assets. This way, the taxpayer is ensured that the only assets that will be written off are those that are definitely going under – there is no chance that the banks will make profit out of underwriting bad loans. And of course, any profits go back to the taxpayer – ending the farce of socialised losses and privatised gains.

                Naturally, it will take a few months before people finally realise they will have to nationalise the banks anyway, at which point €40bn of taxpayer money will have been given into private hands to spend.

                In other news, the rest of the budget is as unfair as one would expect...

We stays in government for preciousssss Green policiesss

                The Green Party has lost its soul and it knows it. Prominently featured on  its website is a list of “Achievements in Government”. The tone is almost apologetic. Here are a few samples of the latest in Green Party achievements:

10 Feb 09: Incredible Edible campaign launched with packs going to every primary school in the country.

4 Feb 09: Double digit decrease in energy prices will be introduced this year

1 Jan 09: Green Party launches campaign to promote the Cycle to Work scheme 

Marvellous. Taking credit for globally falling energy costs and telling people to cycle to work.  Surely that more than makes up for propping up corrupt government and overseeing brutally unfair “recessionary adjustments”?

                The problem is that the Greens have convinced themselves that growing up and becoming real politicians involves backing down on almost everything. This is why every Green politician that appears on television or radio protests that there’s only so much a small party can get in government (unless it’s the PD’s).  They have been tricked into taking Fianna Fáil at their word, the worst of rookie errors. Their lack of confidence has given FF a carte blanche to govern as they will, knowing that the Greens will happily support anything as long as they’re given one or two little pet projects to tick away on.

With all of Gormley’s puffed-up attempts to prove he’s a hardball-playing street-fighting tough guy politician, he’s only exposing his own naivety. The Greens have FF by the balls now, if they want it. An election now would annihilate FF, while the Greens would stay pretty safe. With the loss of Seamas Brennan and Finian McGrath, Bertie’s “triple-lock” government is looking a lot shakier. Threatening an election could give them so many of the reforms they once stood for – cleaner politics and decent local government don’t cost the earth, and now is the perfect time to bring them in.

                But they won’t. Gormley et al are convinced that being a big boy means playing nice. Meanwhile, Biffo cackles behind his back and occasionally throws him a CFL lightbulb.

 

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